Waahhhh...(I wish)

I miss Daddyman. I am really crabby. I just miss him so much. The kids are driving me crazy already this morning. We've only been awake for an hour and I am already sick of their whining and fighting. I miss him. I miss having him here to help break it up or just to distract. I miss all the help and support I get from him. I am to a state now where I can't even cry anymore. In the shower this morning Little Girl came in about three different times with demands or negative reports of her brother and Little Boy came in a couple times spewing the same nails toward my ears. When they both left the bathroom for the last time I was so angry and annoyed and heart broken. But I couldn't cry. I really wanted to. It was a very convenient time to cry. I am tired (I was up until 3:30, partly because I went to see Pirates 2 at midnight), and angry. That is usually a beautiful recipe for tears. Maybe there is not enough on my plate right now, maybe I'm not stressed out enough to come to tears yet. Or maybe I've cried my last. That's it! My tears have all dried up. A couple of nights ago Sis and her husband, a cousin and his girlfriend were all going to take me out. It was my last night with a built-in babysitter. We were all going out about 9:30. That time rolled around and I hadn't heard from anyone so I called Sis and asked her if we were still going out and she reluctantly said yes. So I called the cousin and girlfriend to see what the plan was and they had forgotten it and were at her mom's house eating. So I called Sis back and told her we could just not go out and it wasn't a big deal (I knew she didn't really want to go). So we didn't go out. Again, I was heart broken and on the verge of crying but I couldn't. It's not like I can't understand that sometimes people forget and I'm not mad or anything, it's that I needed out of the house I had planned on it all day. When I got frustrated with the kids I thought, "At least I get to get out tonight." I got let down. It hurt and I was sad. I keep thinking that I know I just need to lean on the Lord so I won't be let down but I don't really know how to "lean" on Him. I pray and I praise Him passionately. I love Him and it is always overwhelming when I remember how deeply He loves me. I know He will bring me through this, but I am still sad and miserable. I also know that it's okay for me to be sad and miserable. But I don't want to be anymore. It sucks! A LOT! I feel like shit all the time and I'm sick of it. I don't know how to get myself out of that though. How do I just make myself be happy again?