What's a blog?

Oh yeah, I forgot.

So I took my first Physical Geography test today. I don't know how I did yet. What I do know:

One who does not study and comes to school high (not high school) cannot honestly expect to make a good grade.

I had a conversation with a classmate after the test. She was seriously angry at the professor for not telling us what was going to be on the test. She was angry with him because she did poorly on the test. I have to admit that there were some things on the test that he didn't cover in class, but they were in the book (yeah, the textbook, you know, the one he told us to READ).

I've been thinking about trying to be involved in this girl's life. She is just screaming out for someone to love her. I'm not very good at this missional living thing. When she was complaining about the test I said, "Smoking pot tends to be somewhat detrimental to one's college career." Think that won her over?

PRAISE GOD!!!

He's back in the U.S.

UPDATE!!
He's in the backyard playing with the kids!

I love that guy!!

These are the latest addition to my decor. Daddyman sent them to me as a get well soon/I love you gift! It's pretty amazing how happy they make me feel today.

This war ends when we die, right?

Once in a while (sometimes once a week, then there will be a long break of maybe a month or six weeks), Little Girl throws an enormous fit. Kicking, screaming, shrieking, "I hate you" at the top of her lungs. Completely irrational and always about control. She wants to be in control. Sometimes I can't blame her. I would go crazy if I didn't have control of my own life. What I eat, wear, watch, etc. In the middle of the kicking and screaming, I try to calm her down so I can talk to her about what is going on. It's the usual, "I don't like you because you won't let me..." blah blah blah. I explain the usual, "I am the mommy, I know what is best for you, I am the boss, I am in control..." blah blah blah. And the screaming began again. She doesn't want me to be the boss or in control. By this time in every battle I feel that anything I do is futile. My nerves are shot and my patience flies out the window. It is an uphill battle that I feel I will never win and sometimes I just want to give up and quit fighting. The other day, after the latest battle of the war that ends when we die, I realized that I am her. When I was recounting this particular battle to a friend at a party I just started (almost screaming) telling her about how frustrating it was. And then, out of that place we like to call Nowhere, came a realization. I was saying out loud to my friend, "It doesn't matter if she wants me to be in control, I AM! I just AM." There is nothing to be done about this. I am the boss, I am in control. I am. As I was saying these words, it struck me, this is God's fight with me. Again, I am reminded that my relationship with my children is sometimes a freakish reflection of God's relationship with me. He IS. He continues to be patient with me and is constantly waiting for me to stop screaming and throwing a fit so I can hear Him. If I would just shut up and listen life could be so much easier, or at least more joyful. That's not to say that God never brings/allows hardship, but when you are suffering for the Lord you can still have His joy. When you are suffering because of your own selfishness there is no real joy. Sometimes I know I'm trying to run my life without any consideration of what God wants for me or what His plan might be. Usually, when I am doing that I will eventually hand over the reins. He has never let me down. I had not realized that I am trying to control my life without Him. I had not felt the conviction until now. Every time I decide to "let go and let God," He is faithful to me. Lately I've been feeling very impatient. I don't know when Daddyman is coming home. I don't know what kind of job he'll have. I don't know if we will be able to buy a car. I don't know where our kids are going to school next year. I don't know if Daddyman will be deployed again next year. I don't even know when I'll get to talk to him again. What I do know is that He is faithful and I need to stop worrying. When we had the "stations" at church on Sunday there was one for us to write down a way that we thought God did not meet our expectations in some way (it is possible that I did not entirely understand the meaning or instructions at that station). I stood there. I thought about my life in its current state and past circumstances. I could not and still cannot think of a time when God did not meet my expectations. He has proven Himself to me again and again and still I worry. I don't know how to stop worrying about things. I also don't know how to stop being angry about things that I don't want to be angry about. But, I do know how to pray and I do know that God is faithful and He will come through for me again. Please, take my will and form it to yours oh Lord.

It is a struggle for me to see the difference sometimes between conviction and guilt...

In the same way that people learn differently (books, auditory, conceptually), people experience God differently. I recently had a conversation with someone who made it quite clear that "quiet time" was very important to her spiritual life. She spoke about how important it is that Christians "know the Word" and she (without coming out and saying it) made me feel like she believed one cannot have a working relationship with Christ without quiet time. Now, don't get me wrong, Scripture is vital to the Christ follower's path. There have been moments in my life when my time spent meditating on and memorizing Scripture have strengthened and awakened me in a way that nothing else can. However, the times in my life when I've felt most connected to Christ have also been the times I've felt most connected to others. The times in my life when my heart has been most prepared to invest in people has absolutely coincided with a loving Christian's time spent investing in me. I do believe that quiet time is important. If that is where God comes alive for you and if that is what makes you able to share Him with others, then that is probably the way you learn (at least for now). But, please, spare me the guilt trip.

P.S. Because the person I had this conversation with may read this in the future I feel it necessary to mention that I would gladly enter this conversation again and I don't mean to be talking about it without you. I just sometimes think more clearly when I have a chance to process things and it is not 4am. :)

This is the floor that never ends.

I just want to post some more pictures because it's fun. And I also want to tell part of the story of the floor. It's been a project since March 23. My Daddy and some of my friends came over that day to start the tear-out. It went smooth and fast. Very good. The guys that Home Depot contracted came out Monday to start laying the new floor and it was finished a day earlier that expected! Very good. They came back to the house Sunday to seal the grout and discovered that the grout "hazed". Basically it is the wrong color. It is supposed to be dark brown and it actually turned out to be splotchy and light grayish/brownish. Now they're saying they are going to have to tear the whole thing out and completely start over. We'll just see about that. Here are the pics...

Time for some more pictures...

This was taken at the first Kara Laura Laura Kara Club meeting.

Ladies' night out March '07.

And my favorite...the Laura sandwich with Kara bread.

The Force is strong with this one.

One day a couple of weeks ago Little Girl told Doodoo (grandpa) that she wanted something to drink. He wasn't listening very well so she told him again and gave him a funny look (she sort of turned her head a little sideways and opened her eyes big and wide). The next day she asked me for a piece of candy and I was in a hurry to get out the door and said, "I don't know," hesitantly. She looked at me with that same funny expression and said, "I want a piece of candy." I laughed and told her ok. The next day she was talking to Daddyman on the phone and she said, "Yeah, I have mind-control powers." Ah ha! I could hear him laugh and ask her how she got them. She said she just made them up! The scary thing is, I think they work.

Mmmmmmmmm

Spinach-Portobello Lasagna Roll-Ups with Creamy Gorgonzola Sauce...and roasted veggies.
Yummy!

You wanna hear something funny?

Many of you may not know that I started seeing a "counselor" about a week ago. Today was supposed to be my second appointment. I say "supposed to be" because my "counselor" forgot. Yeah, about 10 minutes after I got there I was irritated because he was late. It's his job! He's not allowed to be late! About 25 minutes after I got there I was pissed. The secretary called him and he had just forgotten. He just didn't show up. I could be wrong, but that doesn't seem like a very good thing for a professional in his field to be doing. Anyway, I am fine. I don't feel abandoned or neglected. It's a good thing too or I might just sue his dumb ass.